i hate my life right now.

so much.

i hate my boyfriend who ditches me.

and my best friend who ditches me

and my disgustion piece of flab that is my body

--

today i definetly fainted after going tanning, i hadn't aten since thursday morning.  andi dont no what happened, i just fainted.  and then i was extremely shaky it sucked. prettyyy bad.  But i need to fast again, it works and thats all that matters.

thanks for all the support love and comments. 

believe it girls, just believe<3

right now, im feeling happier.

i haven't been eating that much and my fasting is working very well.  no one has became suspicious.  thanksgiving dinner was great, i barely ate.  all i ate was two scoops of fruit salad.  and my familys knows i hate potatoes and turkey and everything else.  i'm going to keep my fast up and kick it up a few notches.

so my boyfriend and me had sex on wenesday for the first time, first time ever for me.  and i heard that sex can make you lose weight?  does anyone know? 

i hope everybody stays strong, and reaches their goals.  We can do it, just believe.

love you all<3

im hopeless.

why must i fucking eat? its so stupid im so stupid.  i dont need nor want that food yet i still consume it?  then after i feel guilt and disgust and find myself making friends with the toilet.  spilling all the hate out of me.  yet i still feel like theres some left.  i  hate it i hate it i hate it.

I wish there was a pad lock on my mouth so no food could ever surpass my lips.  ever.  and i wish i lost the key.  i wish that i did.

yesterday:

B-nothing

L- 2 hard boiled eggs and slim jim

D-fucked up

tried to purge, but my friend was over and she definetly was watching me.  that sucks, so much for the liquid fast right?  i know that i can do it, i want to do it.  i need to. 

lets try this again

monday-friday liquid fast.  help me.

with love<3

[ps]

you can do anything.

This is my most secret xanga.

I'm going to fill it with my hopes and thoughts.

first off:

this is all i want.  just to look and feel gorgeous.  More then anything.  please please please.

<3

I'm going to fast today and tomorrow and monday.  I can do it, i just need to set my mind on right.  I need to fix myself and make myself beautiful because obviously what im doing now isnt helping me any.  Liquid fast this week.  water, coffee, and diet soda.

"Your heart

won't  heal right

if you keep

 tearing out the

sutures"

[ps]

if you have any advice or support i would be most grateful